NY to repeal cell phone ban because a study by the Highway Loss Data Institute shows that there are no reductions in crashes in locations with the bans. No just kidding - they ignored the results.

Watch my boss trounce the Republicans at their own meeting. Supposedly he did so well that Faux Fox News cut the debate off 20 minutes before it ended. I would love for someone to corroborate that assertion.

Update: Thing Progress (although it is also a left-wing, commie, pinko website) has the proof that Faux Fox News cut away in the middle of the exchange.

Kristina is already a pro at this.

The next time you leave a job, on the last day announce that you will email everyone at the office all the secrets you've learned about your coworkers. Think that would go over well? It's doubtful that you would have anything on Dustin Diamond's allegations:

- Mario Lopez raped a girl
- All the cast members fucked each other (except poor Screech)
- Mark-Paul Gosselaar had a bi-sexual threesome with an executive producer

Remember, these are all allegations. Read them all.

After his recent release from jail, 100 year old pedophile Mr. Herbert Theodore Sypnier is heading back to jail for violating the terms of his parole (by not showing up for counseling).

Meet Charlie P. and Maria C. Cardoso. While they live in the great, goofy state of Massachusetts, they own a rental property in the even goofier state of Florida. They own the house outright and no longer have a mortgage. Along comes Bank of America who intimidated their tenant out of the house with all the talk of foreclosure. After Charlie spoke with the real estate agent, he was assured that BoA understood they had the wrong house. They then proceeded to brake down the doors (breaking and entering?), empty the house of the Cardoso's property (theft?), turn off the utilities causing the pipes to freeze (destruction of property)? and put new locks on the doors (theft of property?). At least BoA didn't leave 75 pounds of rotting fish this time.

The lawsuit is now pending. Yet another reason why Bank of America is the devil.

Ramses crying for treats at night is more in tune.

See other ideas for gritty Hollywood reboots.

See the rest of the series called: Kitten + Parrot = Aww!

Bronson, a hunting trained Black Lab, found a fun play toy. Unfortunately, it was a copperhead snake. Also unfortunate was that this copperhead snake was clever enough to wrap itself around poor Bronson's mouth.

SUCH a good boy (he and the snake are fine).

So fans of Jack Benny discovered that CBS has old tapes of the late comedian that were thought to be destroyed/lost. But because modern copyright is such a cluster fuck, even though the tapes are public domain, it will cost CBS so much in lawyer fees associated with copyright that they feel it isn't worth it. CBS is permanently locking away lost Jack Benny tapes because copyright has failed.

I don't care what the residents of New Jersey say. They are either oblivious or lying. Jersey Shore is a 100% accurate depiction of shore trash.

Visit the biggest source of "Aww" on the internet: Cute Things Falling Asleep

Amazon statistics prove some crazy shit (it was listed #4 when I looked).

See other potential careers for Conan O'Brien.

Nature has helped me test my keyboard. (Gary wants a little brother named Todd)

This is one for the books. Allegedly, Orlando Police Officer Brandon R. Loverde force Rachelle Cortez to sit on the ground while he reached into her shirt and fondled her breasts so that she would lactate on him. I guess there are limits to police powers.

If you, like 10's of other people, are depressed that the fictional world of Pandora is actually fiction, here's a web forum dedicated to coping with this terrible affliction.

Get it? Statue? Heh...

See more Statutory Rape.

3 Americans, Scott Lively, Caleb Lee Brundidge, and Don Schmierer traveled to Uganda to preach on how terrible homosexuality is to the world (Christian values). After a 3 day rally conference featuring topics such as "how homosexuality is contagious", "homosexuals have a secret, evil agenda", and "how to convert homosexuals" the Ugandans were inspired. So much so that they passed a bill imposing the death penalty for homosexuals one month later.

Now that the world has been made aware that they may have consulted on the drafting of the bill, all three "missionaries" are back tracking and say their best friends are gay.

Apparently, the store was all out of paper.

See other roles that Nicolas Cage would have excelled at.

Angel, the heroic golden retriever, saved an 11 year old kid from being attacked by a cougar (the animal version, not a nympho old lady). He ran and got help and the police showed up and killed the cougar. She suffered puncture wounds but is doing OK - and probably dined on steak that night.

Vacation is over. Welcome back.

Because of the crotchbomber, the TSA made a bunch of jerk reactions that made no sense:
- No getting up for the last hour of the flight
- Nothing permitted on your lap (like a blanket)
- Feel up Frisk everyone who goes through security

Because of public outrage, all these silly requirements were rescinded shortly. The question really is, why are we putting up with this shit? Isreal is constantly being threatened by Muslim fundamentalists who want to destroy them but they are perfectly safe. How long does it take them to get from the car to the gate? Try 25 minutes. They do it by actually looking at the people instead of looking for the weapons used in previous attacks. Write your Congressman to turn the TSA into an Isreali version of security. It actually works and doesn't suck like today's Security Theater.