We all have guilty pleasures. They hide in Ben and Jerry's containers in the freezer, or on DVD shelves between the Godfather and Pulp Fiction, where you'll find Jeepers Creepers 2 or A Knights Tale. Sometimes the guilty pleasures manifest themselves at the worst t ime, like when you get into your car with friends and realize you left the Avril Lavigne CD in the player, blasting on 11.

I'm not talking about cult favorites like Aqua Teen Hunger Force or Star Wars, i'm talking Charmed reruns on TNT after Law and Order, you know the type of television show you click off real fast when someone walks into the room like it was porno. And in reality, you wish it was, because at least you could explain that (its been awhile). There is no explaining singing and dancing at a red light to "Everybody" by the Backstreet Boys.

So i'll save everyone the trouble of walking in on me at the wrong time, (That time being sunday night from about 9:00-11:00 i don't know the actual schedule, because i am just attracted by some mysterious force to flip on VH1]

I love "so noTORIous" starring Tori Spelling. (continued by clicking the more button, its called a hook kids)

I'm not normally like this. I hate Will and Grace, and Gilmour Girls, and Grey's Anatomy, and Desperate Housewives, and pretty much every other popular television show. My TV watching consists of sports (pretty much anything including paintball on ESPN 8, the ocho), Law and Order reruns, and Adult Swim (yeh, i'm one of those nerds. We're laughing behind your back, but you're laughing at the fact that we never get laid).

But i can't resist "SoNo ToTo" as we call it in the biz. Tori Spelling is as wooden as ever, despite playing basically herself, and her education seems to have ended when "Donna Martin Graduated", so eight years at a fictious high school was as far as a rich spoiled blonde ever got. It's the scripted stories of the OC plus the filthy richness of Laguna Beach, with the piss poor forced dialogue of "Next". Spice it up with a little bit of reality surrealism and some flashbacks that are only funny for how badly they miss a mark (and it is a big mark, because the flashbacks have the most potential, with the one of Tori before plastic surgery actually hitting pretty strongly) and you have a show i will watch anytime i come across it.

That is my only saving grace, that i have yet to plan a night around or make a point to watch any episode. When i've flicked through and seen it on, i've left it on, but I'm not hosting SoNo ToTo parties yet. Yet.

The worst part is there is no reason for me to like it. The plots are poorly written, not generic by any means if just because of the originality of the idea, but genuinely punchless. There is little action and no buildup of the conflicts that highlight the episodes. A few themes repeat, like Tori's struggles with her mother, but besides that there is never a feeling of their being a true problem. And maybe that is what keeps it more true to life; that Tori's rich girl problems are not as serious or dramatic as they seem to be and part of the hilarity is seeing her overreact to common everyday struggles.

Further, the acting is brutal. Tori isn't even a charicture of herself, or honest to the character as being Tori Spelling. She is just a bad actress, no bones about it. The Gay Persian character shows absolutely no emotion ever, and is neither Will Truman or Jack McFarlen, but merely a bland actor who neither adds nor subtracts anything from the plots and interacts with Tori about as much as her little Dog, mimi larue. Than there is the never ending parade of Abercrombie Model men who march through Tori's life, like some sort of example of how good looks really can get you anything you want, as long as you are willing to go both ways and sleep with both Tori and the director. Tori's mother is a hollow photocopy of Zsa Zsa Gabor minus the slapping and accent, and the maid is just an offensive stereotype of African-American females. Most shows use generic character stereotypes for cheap laughs, the maid is merely the nurse from Happy Gilmour, but being played by a woman who takes herself too seriously.

Ugh, and i can't turn away. It isn't even a car wreck, or so bad its good, or camp or in anyway definingly interesting. I maybe chuckle twice an episode, and for the most part get disgusted by Tori Spelling's mere existance. But I'm hoping for salvation. The show has some potential, if daddy can buy a good actress to play Tori (not likely) or surround her with better talent and reduce her role (Even though she is the star, this is more likely to happen like a reality BH 90210). Or maybe that is the plan all along. Make a cheap show that Aaron Spelling will pay for. Either he buys enough writers and talent to make the show successful, or he lets his daughter run it into the ground like his old Mercedes XLR that she didn't notice the check engine light was on for 6 months.

So for most people, the worst show you'll watch will probably be "Yo Momma" on MTV (which is intellectually worse, because the played out your momma jokes weren't even that funny in 8th grade, and now i have to watch poor ass recititions of why your momma is so fat when she sits around the house she sits AROUND the house). But i won't ask you to flip off Wilmer "I pulled your sister's V card" Valderama, for "so noTORIous" because i want this show to be canceled. Because the sooner that happens, the sooner i can go back to my regularly scheduled rotation of law and order, phillies, family guy, saved by the bell reruns on cartoon network. And now that i've exposed myself, i'm feeling more awkward than Zack Morris' cell phone (i've been waiting forever for that one).